Confessions

Confessions

I have a confession.  I’ve been stuck.  Before I left for Italy, my friend and heART coaching partner, Lynn suggested I do a Facebook live post from Italy.  “Yes! Definitely— that would be so cool,” I said, and really meant it.
​Yet, when I was there, If found myself thinking about doing a video, but every time, I talked myself out of it.  I didn’t have any make up on.  I wasn’t sure exactly what I’d say.  I was afraid it wouldn’t be very good.  So I didn’t.  Actually, on my very last day, while stuck in the snow in the Rome airport, I actually did a video but didn’t have the guts to do it live. You see, I told myself there was no going back if I did it   
live and I didn’t like it. (Kind of funny how I/we let our fears stop us from stepping out).   And then… I found reasons not to post that too.  I have let the fear of not doing it right, or doing it ‘well enough’  stop me. 

Recently, I was talking to God about stepping out again.  I thought that when I asked Him what to do, He’d tell me I didn’t have to do it.  I’d be released.   When I asked, I was surprised, as I sensed him saying, ‘Stop making more of it than it is.  Lean in.”  He told me to sit down, to ask for His grace for what was needed in that moment, and to expect Him to show up because He would.  I sensed Him saying, “Even if YOU think it’s not good.  You are your worst critic.  Step in.  The enemy has messed with you far too long.  You have given him a voice and have listened.  Enough of that.  You are not able.  BUT I AM.”   

Alrighty then.  

I love the Lord’s rebuke.  Even if I don’t like what He says.  It’s always good.  It’s gentle—even in it’s correction.  It makes me think of Romans chapter 12 when God says not to despise the Lord’s rebuke for He disciplines those He loves’, and God is treating us as His children.  

So here I am, stepping into the imperfection.  Expecting God to show up. 
How about you?
Do you ever limit yourself?   Or wait until something is good enough?  How much do you withhold because something isn’t perfect?  I never thought of myself as a perfectionist before but maybe when I get stuck… I’m just afraid.  Can you relate?

One of the things I do when I get stuck is to ‘bring it into the light’— Expose it.  Journal about it.  Talk about it.   Like I did here— with you.  
In putting it out there— as raw and imperfect as it is, something shifts.  
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  And by the way… I finally made it home.